#210: How to Deepen Intimacy and Keep the Spark Alive with Aubrey Marcus

Emotional Struggles

Aubrey Marcus opens up about the emotional challenges he faced during his polyamorous relationships. He explains that his initial foray into polyamory was driven by a desire for honesty and freedom, but it also brought intense feelings of jealousy and insecurity 1. Aubrey likens his coping strategies to exposure therapy, where repeated exposure to uncomfortable situations eventually lessened his emotional reactions 2.

It was like exposure and response therapy to arachnophobia.

--- Aubrey Marcus

Despite these efforts, he admits that the emotional toll was significant and often overwhelming.

   

Key Lessons

Reflecting on his polyamorous experiences, Aubrey shares key lessons that have shaped his current views on relationships. He emphasizes that polyamory recalibrated his understanding of jealousy, making it seem absurd in his current monogamous relationship 3. Another crucial lesson was the importance of radical honesty, which he believes is foundational for any relationship 4.

The safest thing you can provide is your honesty.

--- Aubrey Marcus

Aubrey also discusses the extreme commitment required to make a relationship work, likening it to a Spartan ethos 5.

   

Monogamy Shift

Aubrey's transition from polyamory to monogamy was marked by significant emotional and psychological shifts. He describes how his relationship with his now-wife, Vylana, evolved from friendship to a deep soul connection, catalyzed by a transformative ketamine journey 6. This transition also involved closing his previous relationship with Whitney, which was filled with both love and fundamental misalignments 7.

Within the first ten minutes, it was like we were already married.

--- Aubrey Marcus

Aubrey highlights that this profound connection made the shift to monogamy feel natural and inevitable.