#008: The Myths of Masculinity and Addiction with Ben Goresky

Unconscious Masculine

Ben Goresky and Mark Groves discuss the unconscious aspects of masculinity, highlighting how emotional suppression often leads to aggression and avoidance. They note that men frequently shut down their emotions, which can result in destructive behaviors. Ben points out that this emotional suppression is not exclusive to men, as women also face societal pressures to deny their emotions 1.

The only way we know how to be heard is to jump to some form of significance through aggression.

--- Mark Groves

The conversation underscores the need for both men and women to acknowledge and express their emotions to avoid harmful consequences.

   

Evolving Masculinity

The evolution of masculinity is another key topic, with Ben sharing his journey from addiction counseling to broader modalities of healing. He and Mark reflect on their past experiences in hyper-masculine environments and how these shaped their views on manhood. Mark recalls admiring men who embodied stereotypical masculine traits, only to realize the emptiness behind such facades 2 3.

It's almost a rite of passage for us to get lost in egoic desires.

--- Ben Goresky

They emphasize the importance of moving beyond superficial markers of masculinity to develop a more authentic and compassionate sense of self.

   

Mature Masculinity

Developing mature masculinity involves mentorship and emotional literacy. Mark and Ben discuss the lack of male role models and the impact this has on young men. They highlight the importance of mentorship in teaching boys how to handle emotions and relationships responsibly. Ben shares his own struggles with defensiveness in relationships and the value of receiving constructive feedback 4 5.

We call him to rise up.

--- Mark Groves

The conversation stresses the need for men to support each other in their personal growth and emotional development.

   

Emotional Fluency

Emotional fluency is crucial for healthier masculine identities. Mark notes that men are often reluctant to engage with relationship advice, fearing it makes them appear inadequate. Ben emphasizes the role of men's groups in breaking down emotional barriers and fostering personal growth. They discuss the societal programming that discourages emotional expression and the transformative power of acknowledging one's feelings 6 7.

Permission is granted, and we just stop him. We're like, hey, did you just stop talking for a sec? Can you just feel that for a sec?

--- Ben Goresky

This section highlights the importance of emotional literacy and the supportive role of men's groups in achieving it.