#350: Grieving Expectations & Embracing Transformations

Setting Boundaries

Setting boundaries is crucial for maintaining self-worth and integrity in relationships. Mark Groves emphasizes that showing up fully and loving all out, while having boundaries, helps in grieving and healing wounds. He suggests role-playing conversations to gain context and closure, even with those who can't respond or have passed away 1. Mark explains, "When someone won't change, you have to change how you orient to them," highlighting the importance of self-orientation in boundary setting 2.

   

Handling Guilt

Dealing with guilt is a natural part of setting boundaries and prioritizing oneself. Mark discusses how guilt often stems from childhood experiences where maintaining connection meant collapsing boundaries 1. He advises increasing one's capacity to hold guilt and the frantic energy it brings, comparing it to the skin tearing away on a dragonfly.

Guilt is often exploited by manipulators. We'll take that and we'll reach out. We'll connect with them. We'll fawn, which means goes into people pleasing will freeze.

--- Mark Groves

By understanding and managing guilt, one can maintain healthier boundaries and self-connections.

   

Navigating Toxicity

Navigating toxic environments requires a firm stance on boundaries and self-care. Mark explains that growing up in toxic environments can make unhealthy dynamics feel like home, making it challenging to break free 1. He stresses the importance of recognizing and grieving the disconnection from toxic individuals while maintaining one's integrity.

When we finally say, I've got to put my foot down, I can't do this anymore, guilt is normal.

--- Mark Groves

By increasing the capacity of the nervous system to hold disconnection, one can better manage the energy and emotions involved in distancing from toxicity.