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Published Apr 11, 2022

#202: How to Change Your Patterns in Love with Vienna Pharaon

Mark Groves and Vienna Pharaon explore how to change destructive relational patterns, emphasizing the role of authenticity, vulnerability, and healing childhood wounds to build healthier and more intimate connections.
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  • Patterns

    and explore how our relational patterns often stem from childhood experiences and family systems. They discuss how these patterns influence our romantic relationships, leading us to repeat familiar behaviors and dynamics. Vienna emphasizes the importance of understanding the origin of these patterns to change them effectively 1. She explains that behaviors like hot and cold dynamics in relationships often mirror the conditional love experienced in childhood 2.

    The intersection of compassion, gentleness, grace with the self and accountability, ownership and responsibility. And when we do that, well, we don't bypass.

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    Understanding these origins allows us to break free from destructive cycles and build healthier relationships.

       

    Trust

    Vienna addresses the complexities of maintaining opposite-sex friendships while in a relationship, emphasizing the importance of trust and open communication. She suggests that the primary relationship should always be prioritized and that transparency with one's partner is crucial 3. Mark shares his experience of navigating trust issues, highlighting the need for partners to support each other without carrying the baggage of past betrayals 4.

    In a loving partnership, we are able to go to that person to say, this thing, this feeling is here, and this is the story.

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    Building trust requires both partners to engage in honest conversations and set clear boundaries.

       

    Insecurities

    Vienna and Mark discuss how personal insecurities and past traumas can impact current relationships. Vienna advises shifting the focus from eliminating fear to relating to it differently, which helps in managing insecurities more effectively 5. They also talk about the common issue of comparing oneself to an ex's new partner and how this can undermine self-worth 6.

    I want to relate to it differently. So instead of setting the goal of not being affected by it or never being afraid, I really want to work on strengthening our discernment in moments when that trigger starts to get activated.

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    By understanding and addressing these insecurities, individuals can foster healthier and more fulfilling relationships.

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