#330: A Relationship Survival Guide for New Parents with Dr. Stan Tatkin

Co-Regulation

Dr. Stan Tatkin emphasizes the importance of co-regulating practices for couples to maintain a healthy relationship. He explains that co-regulation involves managing each other's states of mind and body to ensure mutual stability. This practice is more efficient than self-regulation and helps couples navigate stress and maintain connection.

Co-regulation is the ability for us to be masters at each other. If you start to get upset, I know how to calm you. If you get depressed, I know how to raise you up. If you start to get anxious, I know how to soothe you.

--- Dr. Stan Tatkin

Tatkin argues that understanding and responding to each other's needs in real-time is crucial for relationship success 1.

   

Communication

Communication struggles are a common issue in relationships, often leading to misunderstandings and conflicts. Dr. Tatkin explains that couples need to set clear parameters and permissions to govern their interactions effectively. Without these, minor issues can escalate into significant problems.

If we don't say, I'm sorry, sweetheart, I shouldn't have done that, that was wrong. If we don't do that on a regular basis, then we start to accrue memory that we deem as threatening.

--- Dr. Stan Tatkin

Mark Groves shares his personal experience, highlighting the importance of acknowledging and admiring each other's efforts to improve communication. He emphasizes that communication can always get better and that slip-ups are opportunities for growth 2 3.