#449: Why Avoidant partners NEED you to LEAVE them

Boundaries

Setting boundaries in relationships is essential for self-preservation and breaking harmful patterns. Mark Groves emphasizes that without boundaries, individuals often find themselves in a cycle of chasing and being chased, leading to exhaustion and emotional distress 1. He explains that this cycle often stems from past experiences with unreliable caregivers, which can lead to a belief in one's unworthiness of consistency. The key to breaking this pattern is to take a stand and refuse to engage in relationships that require sacrificing one's own needs and values 2.

If you say you're going to leave, you leave. Otherwise, your boundaries are just suggestions.

--- Mark Groves

By setting firm boundaries, individuals can begin to trust themselves and create healthier relationship dynamics.

   

Ultimatums

Ultimatums in relationships can be necessary for initiating change and establishing clear boundaries. Mark Groves discusses how ultimatums can serve as a wake-up call for both partners, encouraging them to stand still and address their relational patterns 2. He notes that while ultimatums may seem harsh, they are sometimes essential for creating a space where both individuals can meet each other's needs. This approach requires both partners to take responsibility for their own emotional regulation and to stop relying on each other to manage relational anxiety.

Sometimes boundaries are ultimatums.

--- Mark Groves

By understanding the role of ultimatums, individuals can foster healthier and more balanced relationships.