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Published Mar 16, 2020

#079: Toxic Dating Culture with Michelle Herzog

Relationship expert Michelle Herzog delves into the complexities of toxic dating culture, offering transformative insights on healing, self-reflection, and establishing personal dating ethics to foster meaningful and ethical relationships.
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  • Toxic Culture

    Toxic dating culture is characterized by behaviors like ghosting and breadcrumbing, which describes as disheartening and confidence-eroding for those seeking meaningful relationships. These behaviors, often given trendy names, have been around long before online dating but have become more prevalent and recognized in today's digital age 1. and Michelle discuss how these patterns lead to self-abandonment, where individuals prioritize connection over personal values, settling for low accountability behaviors 2.

    It's a way to connect and build community. So I understand and respect that. Right? Like, people need to be able to sit and say, I was ghosted or I was ghosted again or this person benched me, and what do I do with that?

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    Michelle emphasizes the importance of understanding one's worth and setting strong boundaries to navigate the dating landscape effectively.

       

    App Influence

    Dating apps have significantly influenced modern dating behaviors, often magnifying superficiality and reducing accountability. notes that apps like Tinder can be both a source of meaningful connections and a breeding ground for narcissistic behaviors, depending on how individuals interact with them 3. The convenience of swiping has made superficial judgments more apparent, yet argues that this isn't new—people have always been superficial, but now it's more visible 4.

    You're relying on an algorithm to show you people, right? You're putting all these filters in, and then an algorithm is doing the work to show you people.

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    She suggests that users should re-engage with their surroundings and practice social skills to counteract the desensitization caused by dating apps.

       

    Social Norms

    Changing gender norms are challenging traditional dating expectations, creating a complex landscape where biological instincts and personal values intersect. and discuss how these shifts affect roles like who pays for dates or initiates contact, often leading to confusion and conflict 5. Michelle encourages individuals to examine their values and question why certain gender norms are important to them, advocating for a balance between biological drives and authentic connections 6.

    You have to observe your biological nuances and why you want a provider, but then you want to. None is right or wrong or judge.

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    Ultimately, understanding and communicating personal values can lead to more genuine and fulfilling relationships.

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