#442: Rewiring Relationship Patterns: Mike Elliott on Overcoming Trauma

Emotional Capacity

Building emotional capacity in relationships involves understanding and managing one's internal responses to partner interactions. Mike Elliott emphasizes the importance of recognizing when one's nervous system is unable to hold space for a partner's emotions, suggesting that this is a cue to engage in self-reflection and growth 1. Mark Groves adds that asking questions and being curious about a partner's needs can transform defensive reactions into opportunities for deeper connection 1.

It's wild to think that when you're in that kind of conversation, you can build the capacity to ask a question.

--- Mark Groves

Real-time reflection is crucial, as Mike notes that if interactions lead to disconnection, it signals the need for inquiry and adjustment 2.

   

Breath & Awareness

Breathing and physical awareness play a pivotal role in managing emotional states and improving relational outcomes. Mike Elliott discusses how understanding the emotional dynamics in a relationship requires more than just words; it involves attuning to the non-verbal cues and the body's responses 3. He highlights the importance of being present and open, noting that partners often react when they don't feel safe or heard 3.

There's the layer of the dialog in the what to say and then there's this nuanced, deeper layer of can you receive what's being said without the words?

--- Mike Elliott

Mark Groves adds that many couples miss the deeper connection by focusing solely on scripted communication, rather than the emotional presence behind the words 4.