#393: Codependency: Stop Compromising Yourself

Codependency Traits

Kylie McBeath and Mark Groves explore the dynamics of codependency, emphasizing how it involves seeking safety from external sources at the cost of one's own needs and identity. Kylie highlights the importance of recognizing when meeting needs comes at a personal expense, which is a hallmark of codependency 1. Mark adds that the opposite of codependency isn't extreme individualism but rather finding a balance between self and relationship needs 1. This balance is crucial for maintaining a healthy relationship without losing oneself.

Codependency, as we define in the book, is a relational dynamic where we source safety from someone or something outside of ourselves at the expense of our own needs, sense of self, and overall well being.

--- Kylie McBeath

Mark further explains that codependency often involves one partner being more anxious and the other more distant, creating a cycle that requires both parties to take responsibility for change 2.

   

Safety Sourcing

Kylie shares her personal experience of sourcing safety externally, particularly financial security, which compromised her sense of self and voice in the relationship. She emphasizes that healing from codependency involves building an internal foundation of security and self-trust 1. This internal work allows individuals to assert their needs without fear of destabilizing the relationship.

I was sourcing safety and security from you. And you know, the way I identify that is like my financial safety and security was coming through you. And that was at the expense of my voice, of my overall sense of self.

--- Kylie McBeath

By fostering self-reliance, individuals can engage in relationships more authentically and equitably, ensuring that their needs are met without sacrificing their identity.