#067: Codependency, The Disease To Please with Terri Cole

Defining

Terri Cole starts by defining codependency, a term often misunderstood and dismissed by many. She introduces the concept of 'High Functioning Codependency,' which applies to individuals who are highly capable and independent yet still exhibit codependent behaviors 1. Mark Groves emphasizes that codependency is relevant to everyone, as it forms the basis of many relationship models we observe and inherit 2.

96% of you are between moderately and highly codependent. And I'm going to tell you why people don't understand it.

--- Terri Cole

Terri explains that traditional views of codependency often link it to relationships with addicts, but she argues that it extends beyond that context 1.

   

Traits

Terri outlines specific traits and behaviors typical of codependent individuals. These include feeling responsible for solving others' problems, offering unsolicited advice, and fearing rejection 3. She also highlights the covert nature of codependency, describing it as a hidden bid for control.

Codependency is actually its own covert bid for power and control.

--- Terri Cole

Mark acknowledges that many listeners might recognize these traits in themselves, even if they hadn't previously identified as codependent 4.

   

High-Functioning

High-functioning codependents are often high achievers who use their success to mask deeper issues of fear and rejection 5. Terri explains that these individuals might avoid vulnerability and emotional integration by focusing on their achievements. This behavior often stems from childhood experiences and societal expectations.

The distraction of high achievement is from stillness and presence to feelings that we experienced as a kid.

--- Mark Groves

Terri emphasizes the importance of addressing these underlying issues to achieve true emotional integration and empowerment 6.