#318: When The Need to Achieve Becomes Toxic with Jennifer B. Wallace

Mattering

Jennifer B. Wallace emphasizes the profound impact of feeling like one matters on mental health. She explains that when individuals feel valued for who they are, they tend to contribute positively to society and experience less anxiety and depression. This sense of mattering acts as a protective shield, allowing people to navigate failures without questioning their self-worth 1. Wallace highlights that the desire to matter is a fundamental human drive, influencing behaviors and aspirations, such as the pursuit of fame among youth 2.

When we feel like we matter, we show up to the world in positive ways. We want to achieve. We want to add value, we want to contribute, we want to raise people up when we feel like we don't matter.

--- Jennifer B. Wallace

She argues that instilling a deep sense of mattering in children is crucial for their mental resilience and overall well-being.

   

Connections

Social connections play a vital role in fostering a sense of mattering and enhancing well-being. Mark Groves shares a personal story about the importance of having someone to rely on during tough times, emphasizing that reaching out can significantly reduce suffering 3. Jennifer B. Wallace adds that children benefit from being valued by multiple adults in their community, which supports their mental health and reduces parental burnout 4.

Never worry alone. When you feel anxious, when you feel down, when you feel battered and bruised like that $20 bill, reach out to somebody and worry with someone else.

--- Jennifer B. Wallace

She stresses the importance of teaching children interdependence, allowing them to rely on others and be relied upon, fostering a healthy sense of community and self-worth.