#109: How To Stop Over-Functioning with Jules Webber

Defining Over-Functioning

Over-functioning is often linked to codependency, where one person takes on excessive responsibilities in a relationship. Mark Groves explains that over-functioners often do everything for everyone, leaving their partners to under-function. Jules Webber adds that over-functioners identify with saving people, while under-functioners create messes for others to clean up 1. She shares her own experience of feeling underdeveloped in her capabilities and relying on her husband for provision, which led to an overwhelming burden on him 2.

   

Personal Stories

Jules shares her journey of diminishing herself to feel needed in relationships, which led to a loss of self-worth. She recalls a relationship where she felt significant because her partner was in pain, but this blinded her to the reality of the situation 3. Jules emphasizes the importance of finding integrity and making choices aligned with one's true self, despite the chaos and confusion that may arise 4.

   

Psychological Triggers

Psychological triggers like shame and fear of abandonment often drive over-functioning behaviors. Jules discusses how she transferred her need for belonging from social media to other areas of life, leading to a loss of self-worth 5. She highlights the inner war many women face, starting from childhood, and the importance of being present with oneself to break free from over-functioning patterns 6.