#109: How To Stop Over-Functioning with Jules Webber

Setting Boundaries

Setting boundaries is crucial for preventing over-functioning and maintaining healthy relationships. Jules Webber emphasizes the need for over-functioners to get comfortable with boundary-setting, which often involves letting go of the need to be more than oneself 1. She shares that over-functioning can lead to resentment and rage, as individuals neglect their own needs to feel significant and safe 2. This rage, she explains, is a call to justice from the parts of oneself that feel unseen and unheard.

Rage is a call to justice from whatever place in you feels unseen. It's saying, like, pay attention to me.

--- Jules Webber

By honoring their limitations and setting boundaries, over-functioners can begin to reclaim their sense of self and balance in relationships.

   

Emotional Availability

Emotional availability is essential for genuine connections in relationships. Mark Groves and Jules discuss how over-functioning can be a way to avoid emotional availability, as individuals manipulate others into needing them 3. Jules shares a personal story about being involved with a man who was not honest about his relationship status, highlighting how the need for significance can blind one to the truth 4. She explains that this need for significance can lead to unhealthy dynamics where one neglects their own life and well-being.

The beauty of letting go of the over-functioning and just showing up as yourself, as vulnerable as that can feel, is that you're actually available to the other person's experience.

--- Jules Webber

By letting go of over-functioning, individuals can become more emotionally available and present in their relationships.

   

Overcoming Codependence

Overcoming codependency involves recognizing and addressing the underlying motivations and patterns that drive it. Jules recounts her journey of healing from codependency, including the importance of being gentle with oneself and questioning one's motivations 5. She discusses how codependent dynamics can create a false sense of security and significance, leading to unhealthy relationships 6. Mark adds that many healthcare practitioners' work can stem from over-functioning, which, when nurtured, can become a superpower.

What was your survival strategy becomes your superpower when garnered, when loved, when nurtured.

--- Mark Groves

By addressing these patterns, individuals can transform their codependent tendencies into strengths and build healthier, more balanced relationships.