#043: Do You Feel Your Feelings? with Megan Jane Soutar

School Bullying

Megan Jane Soutar recounts her experiences with bullying during her school years, highlighting the emotional and mental toll it took on her. She describes how she was bullied by both boys and girls, which led to significant changes in her behavior and mental health. Megan shares that she was on antidepressants from a young age and had to switch schools due to the severity of the bullying 1. Despite the challenges, she managed to grow and learn from these experiences, holding her head high and staying true to herself 2.

I was connected to what I knew was right for me. I held my head high and continued to grow and learn and just be myself.

--- Megan Jane Soutar

Her resilience and determination helped her navigate these difficult times and emerge stronger.

   

Becoming the Bully

Megan's journey through bullying took a surprising turn when she moved to a new school and became a bully herself. She explains that her sensitivity made her a target for bullies, but she eventually adopted a defensive strategy to protect herself 3. This shift in behavior was a coping mechanism to deal with the trauma she had experienced.

I was living outside of my body, really in my head, and just employed that strategy of like, fuck you, I'll get you first kind of thing, and became this tough, popular girl.

--- Megan Jane Soutar

Megan's story illustrates the complex ways in which individuals respond to bullying and the long-term effects it can have on their behavior and self-perception.

   

Family Dynamics

The impact of family dynamics on Megan's emotional well-being is another crucial aspect of her story. She discusses how her family's focus on her brother's mental health issues often left her feelings unaddressed 4. This lack of emotional support contributed to her struggles with depression and anxiety.

I think if someone can teach us how to actually process the suppressed, repressed emotion and to recognize what ultimately anyone wants.

--- Mark Groves

Megan emphasizes the importance of understanding family constellations and how generational patterns of handling emotions can affect individuals 5. Her experiences highlight the need for open communication and emotional validation within families.

   

Masking Emotions

Megan also reflects on how medication and other coping mechanisms masked her emotions, preventing her from fully processing her feelings. She explains that medication helped lift her out of depression but also numbed her higher emotions 6. This led to a cycle of using various substances to avoid feeling her emotions.

I learned two things: to mask my emotions, all of them with medication, and when it wasn't clinical medication, it was drugs or alcohol.

--- Megan Jane Soutar

Her journey towards healing involved recognizing these patterns and finding healthier ways to cope with her emotions 7. Megan's story underscores the importance of addressing the root causes of emotional distress rather than just the symptoms.