Mark Groves avatar

Dexa/Mark Groves

Learn more
Published Sep 16, 2019

#048: Why You Can’t Just “Get Over It” with Hilary Jacobs Hendel

Psychotherapist Hilary Jacobs Hendel unravels the power of emotions, introducing the Change Triangle tool for emotional healing, and discusses the transformative impact on relationships and personal growth by embracing and integrating core emotions.
Episode Highlights
The Mark Groves Podcast logo

Topics covered

Popular Clips

Questions from this episode

Episode Highlights

  • Healthy Boundaries

    Understanding and expressing emotions are crucial for setting healthy boundaries in relationships. emphasizes that self-worth should not be tied to others' feelings but rather to the boundaries we establish, which can lead to more fulfilling connections 1. adds that this process allows individuals to express their needs and wants, fostering trust and love in relationships 1. She notes, "It's amazing how through what we think is going to be such a destructive and deleterious toll on a relationship becomes the very thing that makes it very close and connected."

    It's amazing how through what we think is going to be such a destructive and deleterious toll on a relationship becomes the very thing that makes it very close and connected.

    ---

    This journey of self-discovery and boundary setting is ongoing, as describes it as a continuous learning experience 2.

       

    Emotional Dynamics

    Emotions significantly influence communication and connections with others. highlights the conflict between the need for attachment and the desire for authenticity, often leading to suppressed self-expression for survival 3. She explains that childhood experiences can freeze-frame emotions, affecting adult interactions 3. notes that healthy shame can guide behavior, but shaming core emotions hinders authentic expression 4.

    When we're shamed for our emotions, that's no good. And parents don't get any parenting book on how to do that.

    ---

    This dynamic underscores the importance of understanding and validating emotions to foster genuine connections.

       

    Healing Patterns

    Childhood emotional patterns profoundly impact adult relationships, but healing is possible. explains that processing early emotional experiences can lead to transformation, as unresolved childhood trauma often manifests in adult anger and sadness 5. She uses fantasy to help clients safely express and release these emotions, leading to healing 5. and discuss embracing imperfections and the liberation that comes from confronting shame 6.

    It's both an excruciating experience to feel one's shame, but it is liberating when it is done and it is tolerable.

    ---

    This process allows individuals to accept their humanity and build healthier relationships.

Related Episodes